Being an unbreakable father is not about being a perfect father. It is not about being unemotional when things go wrong or having a perfect life where everything goes like a dream. Instead, being an unbreakable father is about leading our children with resilience, intentionality, and positive impact.
At Unbreakable Fathership, we approach this through three foundational pillars: Personal Mastery, Intentional Presence, and Holistic Provision.
Personal Mastery means continuously strengthening ourselves—our character, discipline, skills, and ability to navigate life’s challenges.
Intentional Presence means making our presence in our children’s lives a priority and being purposeful about the relationships and bonds we build with them.
Holistic Provision recognizes that what our children need from us goes far beyond financial support. As fathers, we also provide guidance, protection, emotional support, stability, values, and more.
But living these principles requires resilience. While we might know all the practical tips on how to be a dad, our fatherhood can still be at risk if we don’t prepare ourselves to navigate through storms.
Whether it is relationship issues, separation, finances, or personal health, at some point in our lives we face challenges that can produce psychological strain, hinder our mental health, and threaten our ability to live these principles.
Here are 5 strategies unbreakable fathers use to remain resilient through those challenges.
1. Review and Keep Your Goal in Mind
If you are reading this, I can imagine that being an intentionally present father with a positive impact on your children and family is important to you. It is probably part of what defines you, even during times when other responsibilities, such as being a provider, affect that balance.
In many cases, the challenges we face can threaten our ability to be present in our children’s lives. It is important that we don’t lose sight of nurturing our bonds with our children and families.
Research suggests that fatherhood can serve as a protective factor for men’s well-being, but the benefits depend on meaningful father-child involvement and other factors [1]. With this in mind, distancing ourselves from our role as fathers can work against us.
Depending on the circumstances, you might also have a situational goal that needs immediate attention. However, keeping your most meaningful long-term goals in mind is crucial to avoid progressively drifting away from what matters most.
2. See Adversity as Challenges That Add Value to Your Victories
While it is true that some obstacles and adversities may be impossible to remove, we can never give in to complete hopelessness. Instead of seeing obstacles and adversities as limitations that make our goals impossible, an unbreakable father sees them as challenges to overcome that can add value to his victories.
The truth is that there are no real victories without real challenges.
Well-known surfer Bethany Hamilton, after losing an arm in a life-threatening and life-changing shark attack, returned to competitive surfing and went on to win a national title [2]. Her victory became even more meaningful because of what she had to overcome to achieve it.
Chris Gardner, whose story inspired The Pursuit of Happiness, is another example of overcoming challenges that is especially relevant to fatherhood [3]. He experienced homelessness and other significant challenges while pursuing a better future for himself and his young son. Instead of allowing adversity to separate him from his responsibilities as a father, he remained present and persisted through the challenges.
While their circumstances were very different, both stories demonstrate a powerful mindset that unbreakable fathers can adopt: challenges can become part of what gives meaning and value to our victories. In time, how you overcome your own challenges may even become part of a story that inspires others.
3. Focus on What You Can Control
Once you are clear on your goals and understand that challenges can add meaning to your victories, the next step is to focus on what you can control.
You have probably heard that before, and I understand that there may be circumstances, systems, decisions, and other people that we simply cannot control. Some of these obstacles can bring significant limitations. However, unbreakable fathers look for alternatives around those obstacles and focus on the achievable steps toward they can take. Even the small steps forward count.
It is true that circumstances outside of our control can weigh heavily on our motivation and mental health. However, we cannot let what we cannot control distract us from taking the steps that remain within our reach.
For this, it is important to learn to differentiate between real limitations and the limitations we have accepted in our minds.
4. Be Open to Learn, Adapt, and Improve
We all have certain habits and beliefs that we think define who we are. Sometimes we are afraid to try a new approach or adopt changes that could lead to improvements in our lives and our ability to handle adversity.
Unbreakable fathers are open to learning and willing to challenge their own beliefs and habits.
During conflict or adversity, it never hurts to ask yourself: What is my contribution to this situation? What can I do to avoid prolonging or worsening the situation?
This might be a difficult place to start, but those who are willing to examine themselves at this level are often the most open to learning, adapting, and improving.
Whether you are dealing with a breakup, divorce, finances, or personal health issues, learning or trying something new might help solve the problem, improve the situation, or at least help you navigate it in a way that allows you to come out stronger on the other side.
With this in mind, unbreakable fathers can also see adversity as an opportunity to learn and grow. While traumatic experiences can have serious effects on mental health, research on Posttraumatic Growth (PTG) suggests that positive psychological changes can sometimes emerge through the struggle with highly challenging experiences [4].
At Unbreakable Fathership, we build on this idea with what we call Post-Traumatic Resilience Growth (PTRG)—an emphasis not only on growth through adversity, but on strengthening our resilience to navigate the challenges ahead.
More on PTRG and what it means at Unbreakable Fathership in another post.
5. Prioritize Self-Care but Avoid Self-Destructive Traps
Being an unbreakable father is not about running on fumes or wearing yourself out. It is not about showing how strong you are 100% of the time. Sustaining any type of endurance and resilience requires self-care, which is a basic human need.
However, when you hear about taking care of yourself or the common workplace phrase of “taking a mental health day,” what comes to mind?
For some, it could mean spending time with loved ones or visiting old friends. For others, it could mean spending some time alone, exercising, enjoying a hobby, or simply getting some much-needed rest. Unfortunately, we might also fall into unhealthy habits that may hinder our health, energy, and mental clarity to in the long run.
While there isn’t always a clear right-or-wrong line, there are behaviors that might provide momentary relief when we are overwhelmed while extending or worsening the problems we are having in our relationships, health, finances, or other areas of our lives.
The important question is whether our self-care helps restore our ability to face our challenges or simply helps us escape them temporarily. Healthy self-care should strengthen our physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual well-being—not prolong or create new problems.
Your Next Steps | You've Got This!
- Identify what matter most.
- Identify what you can control.
- Take your next achievable step.
Eliezer Rivera
References & Further Reading
[1] Kotila, L. E., & Kamp Dush, C. M. (2013). Involvement with Children and Low-Income Fathers’ Psychological Well-Being. Fathering, 11(3), 306–326.
Read the article via PubMed Central
[2] Hamilton, B. Bethany Hamilton Media Kit / Official Biography.
Bethany Hamilton — Official Story
[3] Gardner, C. Biography & The Pursuit of Happyness.
Chris Gardner — Official Biography
[4] Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1–18.
View the journal article